(Only be Afraid of Standing Still: Practical lessons from the lives of Children pg. 127)
It was mid morning on a beautiful spring day. It had drizzled earlier. The air was clean and fresh. There was a rainbow in the sky and a dampness that was soothing and comfortable.
I felt particularly good because I had had a full complement of sleep. Besides, I thought I had made a difference in the life of a sick child the previous evening. It felt good. Now, I savored the moments. I noticed every color and every glittering drop of rain in the morning sun, like a thousand pieces of finely cut diamonds.
I was lost in my thoughts when a young girl, about twelve or thirteen standing by the side of the roadside flashed a thumbs up sign indicating that she needed a ride. I normally don’t give rides to strangers but this time I instinctively pulled over.
“Good morning Dr. Ooope,” she said, opening the front door and jumping in, all in one practiced move.
“Morning,” I responded. “You know who I am?”
“Everybody knows who you are,” she said fumbling with the seatbelt.
“You are my doctor,” she continued, without looking up.
“That settles it then,” I said with a chuckle.
There was a slight pause as she settled in.
“How come you are not in school?”I continued.
“Long story,” she responded.
“Where am I taking you?”
“Anywhere,” she said.
I quickly stole a glance at her.
“What do you mean anywhere……………..where were you headed when you left home this morning?’
“Nowhere (pause) just to hang out.”
I was beginning to feel older by the minute. I had no clue where people “hang out” or what “hanging out” meant.
“What do you children do when you just hang out?”
“Stuff,” she said; half turning to look at me, with a furrow on her forehead, seemingly surprised that I asked. She could quite easily read the confusion on my face.
“Stuff,” I asked meekly.
“Stuff,” she said again, “just stuff.”
I nodded in agreement. I had no clue what “stuff” was but I was too embarrassed to ask.
We were driving past the downtown core when, “Let me down, let me down” she shouted. I slammed on the brakes and pulled over. She scrambled out of the truck, slammed the door behind her, waved and scampered across to the gas station where some boys and girls were standing lazily in front of a convenient store. I engaged the gear, looked over my shoulder, took my foot of the brakes, stepped on my gas pedal and returned to my ignorant ways.
Children do not ascribe any purpose to their lives (actually many of them think that life is for playing) until about age fifteen when they begin to ask the fundamentals of life. Who am I? Where have I come from? Where am I going? Even though the child sees no purpose, with the benefit of being able to look at the whole span of childhood, we can make deductions.
Childhood produces young adults capable of enhancing society. As babies, individuals start out with uniform dispositions. As young adults they have unique and discernable characteristics. Therefore, childhood is a process of differentiation. Differentiation comes from the simple process of pursuing what the child finds valuable in whatever stage of development they find themselves in.
Each stage of childhood has clear characteristics. At any particular stage the child concentrates fully on the present, not worrying about the past or the future. She does not bemoan the travails of getting to the point—how long it took, the falls or the bruises. When it is the phase for sitting, she does that fully, until she has the impetus to crawl. She does not wonder why other children sat or crawled before (or after) her. She does not compete, wait, or complain. She does her thing one step at a time. At every stage she lives in the present. As soon as she gets to a particular stage, she works with commitment and practice to improve. She does whatever is necessary to master the stage of development. The next stage rises from the efficient completion of the present. Therefore, children take small steps to big goals. At each point, they add value. Adding value to the present is what gives rise to the future—until we are the best we can be.
As adults, we aid and observe the growth process in our children. Most parents surveyed in my practice say their children brought value to their lives, in spite of the challenges of bringing them up. Their lives took on added meaning with the birth of their children.
But we couldn’t always live as children. Imagine that you are on journey we call life. There is another man on that same journey, standing by the roadside in obvious distress. You feel inclined to help, and walk up to him.
“Where are you going?” is naturally your first question.
“I don’t know,” he responds.
Surprised but keen to help you enquire, “Where did you intend to go when you left home this morning?”
The hapless stranger thinks for a while, “I can’t remember,” he says.
Now your curiosity gets the better of you, “Where have you come from?”
There is a long pause.
“I am sorry but I don’t seem to remember that either,” he responds, with an inane smile on his face. Reluctantly, you leave him behind and continue on your journey.
The point is this; you stand very little chance of improving yourself in any meaningful way if you do not define a purpose for yourself. Life without a purpose is like a journey without a destination. You simply drift. In such situations, everything you are offered seems to make sense. You go with the crowd, without personal convictions. You do things just because others do the same. You may even think that if you do those things faster and better than the rest, then you are great. Your goal becomes to outdo others. Your satisfaction is short lived because there is no depth or meaning, your vital core is not involved. Eventually, you are confused and exhausted.
It is clear that children succeed because their lives have a purpose—even when they cannot articulate it. The purpose of childhood is to become functional young adults. All their activities, conscious or otherwise, eventually lead to the fulfillment of this goal.
The same should apply to an adult. As soon as you create a purpose, things will become clearer to you. You will be able to decipher between what is important and what is not. You will have a reason for your activities, where you live, what you do, and how you do it. With this your life will begin to have some meaning.
Stay tuned for the next excerpt: Be Grateful
Money is a means of expressing your will. You are financially healthy to the extent that you have enough money to get what you need for your growth and development and to maximize your potentials. You are financially unhealthy if you spend all your time trying to make your ends meet. You may survive the ordeal, but chances are that you will compromise your potential.